Location: Salem, Massachusetts, USA

One BIG thing on our to-do list is to tour the Witch House, the last remaining house with a direct connection to the Salem Witch trials. Unfortunately everyone and their grandma also wants to see the place, surprise surprise. Tickets for the day go on sale at 8 AM and despite our best efforts they sold out from under us as we were trying to buy them. They were completely gone in less than 2 minutes!! WE PERSIST and will be up again early tomorrow morning for attempt two!

Yesterday we walked by Count Orloks Nightmare Gallery a few times… is that a place we want to go? Maybe? Yes? We hopped in line, not exactly sure what we were walking into but it turned out to be a private collection of wax replicas of classic horror movie characters. Every stupid dark corner contained stupid terrifying lifelike creatures and people… what a horrible but aptly named museum. Dracula, Pennywise the Clown from ‘It’, Reagan the possessed girl from ‘Poltergeist’, and a xenomorph from Alien fighting a full sized predator were among the ones that will haunt the back of my eyelids for the next few nights. Shudder.

We weren’t allowed to take pictures but to be honest I think I’m saving myself (and my sister) a few nightmares by not having any to show! It was actually a really great museum, I was just thoroughly creeped out.

Outside, the girl from The Ring crawled around on the ground in the square. Wide berth, just give her a wide berth.

We eased out of the spookiness by stepping into some shops still on our list. Most notably was Cauldron Black, a legitimate spell shop selling pre-made spells and ingredients for casting your own spells at home. It was the least kitschy witch shop we’d been into and we’re both bringing a few spells home to try out! (I’m sure I’ll get mocked mercilessly by my family for trying witchcraft but when else am I going to have this excuse!)

We snagged a table at Sea Level on the harbours edge where I finally got to try swordfish, something I’ve been wanting to eat for years. It is highly worth the wait to get it as a catch of the day! If you get a chance to try it just do it!

We booked a tour of the historical 350 year old House of Seven Gables, where we were taken through centuries of Salem history that would provide some context for later on in the night. Most notably, the author Nathaniel Hawthorne (of The Scarlett Letter fame) wrote the famous book The House of Seven Gables, while staying there. We climbed through secret twisty stairs, opened hidden doors and wandered gardens as the sun set over the bay. Is it weird that I really like touring old houses? Yes please show me all the strange stuff other people do!

We hustled from the house over to our second attempt at a walking tour this trip. Our guide Ryan, a part time comedian, lent a lot of comedic relief to what is actually a really tragic history of the witch trials. A TALE OF 3 ASSHOLES! Buckle up! In less than one year, 10% of the population of Salem was accused of witchcraft, with a bunch of people and two dogs found guilty and publicly hanged.

#1 asshole, the great great great grandfather of the aforementioned author Nathaniel Hawthorn, Judge Thomas Hathorn, was presiding over the trials and was basically in cahoots with #2 asshole, Sheriff Corwin, to accuse people and steal their land or wealth when they died. Lots of widowed women who owned land, or women who guys just didn’t like, were accused and killed. Fun fact: Thomas’s headstone, to this day, is still regularly defaced and broken because people hate him so much. No RIP‘ing for this dude!

#3 asshole, Giles Corey, accuses his wife of witchcraft (and then immediately murders his second wife), then HE gets accused of witchcraft cause he owns a lot of stuff that #1 asshole wants. #3 was laid horizontally in a hole and slowly crushed to death with rocks (instead of hanged) as #2 asshole Sheriff Corwin tried to extract a confession from him over 3 long days. Just before Giles Corey died, he placed a curse on the city of Salem and Sheriff Corwin specifically. Despite being a healthy 30 year old, Sheriff Corwin died soon after of a heart attack. The craziest part is that apparently since then a bunch of the sheriffs in Essex county continuing on to today have had to retire early due to heart complications or have died of heart attacks.

Phillip English (not an asshole) who fled Salem for 9 months after him and his wife were accused of being witches, finds out the sheriff who seized all his land and his ships and stuff is dead. He rushes back to Salem and steals the sheriffs body right before burial and basically holds it hostage until the city gives him back his stuff. They gave him some of it back but it amounts to like 10% of what was taken so he’s big big mad. What’s the logical response? How about mow over a 600 person graveyard and build an Anglican church on top of it to spite the puritans of the city who supported the witch trials? Sure, why not.

Eventually someone accuses the governors wife of witchcraft and he’s like ‘oh heck no, enough of that’ and finally intervenes in the whole thing, pardoning all the accused and making a law that people can’t submit spectral evidence anymore (which was invisible evidence…). For 100 years after the trials it was illegal to even talk about them because the city was so ashamed of it all.

Now look at them! Babbling away about it all day nonstop! History is wild.

Sav