Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand

I woke up at ass o’clock, and peered under the curtain from my little train nook just as the sun started to peek up over the mountains. Dense jungle surrounded the train like actual walls on both sides, clearing briefly for little views here and there. I brought out my book thinking I might read, but couldn’t stop looking out the window long enough to actually do it!

The first thing I noticed when we got off the train in a Chiang Mai was how much less humid it was. Maybe I’ll actually get to wear full length pants finally?! We started off with the cultural museum to get a little taste of northern Thailand, and ended up at a restaurant called Woo Restaurant and Art Gallery, where we tried some northern Thai food to really round out the theme. I had a stewed pork curry with yellow rice dish that was so fancy they turned my cucumbers into flowers. I’m not going to lie I had a moment of panic when I saw the onion butterfly in my soup, looked around at the other (clearly well-to-do) patrons and thought ‘did I misread the prices on the menu??’ It turned out to be 100% fine but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten something like a butterfly cutout in my soup in Canada and had the meal come to a reasonable price. Turns out Thailand is just cool like that.

The rain started pouring down so heavily while we were in Woo that the street turned into a little river that would have reached our ankles! For most of what we’ve seen so far, sidewalks are not really a consistent thing here so people just sort of walk along the side of the road and are perfectly fine with cars passing by an inch away. Where most sidewalks do exist they are bumpy and difficult to walk on without tripping! We hopped into a taxi (which is just an open backed van here) to avoid the worst of the rain and arrived at our hostel to check in.

We were both pretty ready to shower and relax after the overnight train trip but when we got into the room I did my routine bed-bug check and unfortunately found live pharaoh ants in the bed. No thank you!! I have vivid memories of the bed-bug fiasco of 2016 in Italy with Meaghan that, while hilarious now 7 years later, is not something I wish to repeat! I know ants aren’t bed bugs but I still don’t want to sleep with them!! We were able to get a refund but that did leave me quickly booking a nearby hostel last minute. Family Home hostel is where we ended up and while the atmosphere is a little boys-college-dorm-esque, it is clean and comfortable. And no bugs!

For some reason I’ve been having issues getting the correct address for places in Chiang Mai, so we ended up wandering around searching for a particular temple that turned out the be on the opposite side of the city! We did get a good look at the more residential parts and the traditional dark wood houses were gorgeous to see. The locals were friendly and welcoming even as we wandered into private areas trying to navigate our way around. Whoops!

We did manage to make it to the Anusarn Market and Night Bazaar, a never ending assortment of food, clothing and handicraft stalls that seemed a lot less mass manufactured than markets we had seen in Bangkok. It turns out that somewhere between 4-6 markets were actually merging together over a series of city blocks which explains why it felt so incredibly massive.

We had pre-purchased tickets for the famous Chiang-Mai Lady Boy Cabaret Show and had some time to kill while we waited for it to start. I bet you can guess what the best way to kill an hour in Thailand is! That’s right! Massages!

God returning home to not $8 massages is going to be brutal.

Refreshed and ready for some dancing and singing, we found our table at the show. Both of us were singing and swaying and laughing our way through the whole thing. The women were spectacular entertainers, simultaneously taking it very seriously and then firing off jokes and adding in little comedic sketches between the more familiar cabaret style acts. The outfits were sparkly, campy and colourful, and the headdresses and wings were a feathery feat all their own.

Garrett leaned over to me at one point and said ‘man that looks like so much fun. I’d totally try that someday!’

WELL GARRETT SOMEDAY IS NOW.

BECAUSE AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION IS A THING.

I stuck Garrett’s arm up in the air when they asked for ‘four hot men’ to join them onstage. Him and three other very nervous guys went backstage. We had all just seen a previous audience member get a *cough* very explicit personal dance on stage a few numbers ago, so I had no idea what to expect.

I have to tell you though that in my wildest dreams I never thought I would see Garrett in a pink frilly cupcake dress and a wig with bows in it, dancing to the Barbie song with three other dudes at a show with a woman named Pepsi.

Definitely did not have that on my bingo card.

Sav

P.S. I am now in possession of a twelve minute video of this particular event. Just needed to state that that exists.